Here’s the second part of our “bar girls explained” listing of the most common misconceptions (or truths?) about Pattaya bar girls. More often than not, your sense of humour will be taken for granted here. Continued from …
Thai Bar Girls Are Submissive
Definitely not. In fact, most bar girls, like Thai women in general, are actually very dominant and bossy, extremely jealous, often tetchy, and may quickly resort to violent behaviour, like throwing bottles or glasses, when verbal confrontations get out of hand. Especially if you give your girl(friend) a reason to be jealous, e.g., you cheat on her and get caught red-handed, you’ll soon find out how aggressive and irrational these petite little creatures can be.
If you’re here for a brief holiday only and deal with bar girls merely as a paying client, you’ll probably get a slightly different impression and receive “first class” treatment for your money. This “light” version of an affair with a bar girl is, however, rather delusive as it reflects merely the commercial side of Farang-Thai bar girl relationships. Rest assured that things change abruptly when “holiday love affairs” become more serious and go beyond the scope of clear-cut sex worker/customer relationships.
Pattaya Bar Girls Are Jealous
Definitely “yes”. As probably 99% of Thai women, Pattaya bar girls, including former bar girls, are usually extremely jealous. Do not think that just because they’re prostitutes who wouldn’t mind going to bed with a married man, or a guy who usually stays with a girl from another bar, they’d let you get away with it if you did the same – with another girl in another bar.
If you’re a “butterfly” and enjoy sleeping around, you might be facing serious problems with your darling, even if you’ve stayed with her for just a couple of days and you’re not in a conventional relationship.
What may surprise many Pattaya “newbies”: If one day you take a certain girl from a given bar, and the next day want to take another girl from the same bar (they’re just prostitutes you think, so why should they care?) girl #1 would likely get jealous and resent both you and her rival, possibly to the extent that girl #2 might reject your offer or, in the worst-case scenario, both girls engage in a cat fight. As a rough rule of thumb: If you don’t want to end up in a quasi-relationship with a bar girl but prefer to change your girl every now and then, you better change the bar as well.
If you’re in Pattaya only for a holiday and your lady hasn’t yet developed a more profound (financial) interest in you, problems likely won’t become too serious. If her jealousy still gets out of hand, we’d simply advise you to split up with her and look for another lady with a more relaxed attitude (if such a bar girl species exists); after all, you’re just here to enjoy your vacation.
If you’re in a more serious relationship with a (former) bar girl, things will be much more complicated as she’ll basically expect the same loyalty of you as if you were her husband.
If you still want to enjoy occasional “extramarital activities” we’d advise you to be extra cautious and stick to short-time bars in remote areas; don’t let yourself get “caught in the act” (including in seemingly harmless situations where, say, a street vendor or motorcycle taxi driver who knows you and your girlfriend sees you simply sit with another girl in a bar somewhere at the end of nowhere and passes this information on to your girlfriend); avoid love bites or lipstick stains on your shirt; don’t give your phone number to other girls, don’t add them on Facebook etc.
If you throw caution to the winds your girlfriend might soon develop symptoms similar to those of rabies. As warned above, Thai bar girls can be very irrational and aggressive and may quickly resort to violent behaviour.
Arguments may start mildly, with your GF crying and whining (“you no love me”) and then gradually get nastier – via irrational shouting and screaming (“you bullshit me”) to throwing objects (f**k you) and finally attacking you, in the best case only with her tiny fists.
To cut a long story short: If you’re in Pattaya for a vacation only and don’t really need round-the-clock escort or “babysitting” service (i.e. a “holiday girlfriend” bar-fined on a daily basis) you’re probably better off staying on your own and not sticking to the same lady all the time. Instead, go bar-hopping and “sample a little of everything” – less trouble, more variety.
Alternatively you might want to give a shot at dating “normal” Thai girls that don’t work in the bar industry. Literally hundreds of thousands of single ladies from the countryside, office and university girls from Bangkok, are very active members on dating platforms like Thai Friendly, for example. And while they’d probably get just as jealous as bar girls if they knew of your occasional escapades, one major advantage with dating Thai women outside the “organized sex industry” is that they usually have a daytime job and will just visit you over the weekend (or you go see them in Bangkok or somewhere in the countryside) and then you’ve got your bachelor’s freedom back. Other than paying their meals and drinks, and perhaps buying them a nice dress or some other gift, you’d obviously not have to pay bar fines or reimburse them for between-the-sheets activities either.
Pattaya Bar Girls Eat All The Time
Thai bar girls seem to be eating all the time, i.e. unless they sleep, watch telly or play with their smartphones. And indeed, it’s not an illusion.
Bar girls, same as every other Thai, can eat perhaps up to 10 times a day, though usually just small portions of their beloved (spicy and stinking) Lao dishes. For Thai people food is an essential part of their culture. Eating, especially in the company of friends and co-workers, with as many plates and different dishes as possible on the table, is virtually a ceremony or a social event, just like going to the temple and giving alms to monks.
While you’re always welcome to join them and grab some delicacies from their plates (Thais actually enjoy sharing their food and don’t like to eat on their own), anyway please don’t disrupt them. It would only earn you a deep frown from them.
Bar Girls Are Lazy
Let’s face it: Many bar girls are somewhat lazy and just live day to day. Unless they’re at work in their bar, many will just be sitting in their rooms vegetating in front of the TV, watching silly soap operas or reading equally silly cartoon books. Or they’ll be hanging around with so-called friends, drinking, playing cards and gambling in their rooms.
Even at work in the bar, many girls seem to be just lounging around, chatting and eating with their co-workers, watching TV, playing games on their smartphones or manicuring their fingernails. And the occasional chat with a customer, shuffling to the fridge to serve him a beer, emptying the ash-tray when it overflows, doing the dishes and a bit of cleaning etc. isn’t really challenging and physically hard work either, is it? Obviously not.
And while there’s really not much more to working in a bar, the truth is that, unfortunately, many bar girls are really too lazy to do anything going further than that (i.e. except for “making money on their backs”) and wouldn’t even work in a factory if that paid 50,000 Baht a month. Admittedly, that’s only one side of the coin, and bar girls who fall in this category do naturally not suit as long-term “girlfriends” either.
On the other hand, most bar girls (not GoGo dancers usually) certainly have long working days of sometimes 12 hours or more and usually not more than a day or two off per month. And would you really call an usher or doorman lazy just because he’s physically not very active while working? To be fair, it must also be noted that there are many hard-working bar girls in Pattaya who are anything but lazy. These are those who voluntarily do your laundry on the morning after your very first night with them, clean your room, prepare your food etc. They will drive you around on their motorbikes all day, show you all the great places to visit, go jogging with you, swimming … When you’re in their bars they won’t only sit with you drinking beer and consuming lady drinks but will empty your ash-tray every 10 minutes, give you a back massage, clean the table, cook you some food (if the bar has a kitchen) or even climb a ladder to clean a ceiling fan or change a broken bulb.
In fact, Thai women in general often do jobs that Western women would be reluctant to do, e.g., work on building sites. This hands-on mentality also applies to many bar girls who mostly have rice-farming backgrounds in rural areas and are therefore often used to physically hard work. Many of these girls might not even drink alcohol, enjoy gambling or going out to discos, but are more concerned about their families, their individual future and an alternative “career” other than in the sex trade.
Naturally these girls don’t really want to work in a bar for too long but just do it temporarily to make money to support their family in the village while secretly yearning for a quiet life with a “good” Farang husband. Of course, such rare jewels among bar girls are usually also more reliable, especially when it comes to money. So unless you’re just into quick sex and prefer to change your bed partner regularly, these are obviously the girls you should be looking for; especially if you plan to take your lady back to your country or start a business with her in Thailand.
In other words: The indestructible prejudice that bar girls are all lazy isn’t completely a misconception but a generalization that simply doesn’t apply to all. While there are extremes at both sides of the spectrum (admittedly mostly at the “lazy end”), your average Pattaya bar girl is probably just somewhere in between – not necessarily lazy but with a healthy taste for an easy and relaxed lifestyle.
Thai Bar Girls Are All Slim & Petite
In comparison with your average Western madame, Thai girls all seem to be supersexy, slim and have a wasp waist, right? We acknowledge that as far as the younger girls in GoGo bars are concerned, this first impression may be mostly correct. (GoGo bars also have the “natural advantage” that you can actually eyeball a lady’s body in its natural dress before paying her bar fine.) Talking about “average” bar girls in “regular” beer bars, however, the situation is slightly different as you virtually “buy a pig in a poke”.
In fact, from a closer point of view, i.e. after you’ve taken her back to your room and she’s finally stripped off her sexy dress (provided she’s left the lights on in this critical moment), many girls are actually less petite than they appear to be in their fancy bar dress and may even seem a bit chubby or pumpui (Thai slang for “slightly overweight”).
According to figures released by Thailand’s Public Health Ministry in 2008, 60% of Thai women were actually overweight; which is usually blamed on unhealthy nutrition and little or no exercise. And regardless of whether these figures are fully reliable or not, the physique of many bar girls these days certainly corroborate the trend these figures suggest … but why?
The main reason, we’d suggest, is obviously the fact (or our estimate) that at least 95% of bar girls in Pattaya have given birth to at least one child – some even two or three and often at a relatively tender age. Further reasons are certainly their unhealthy “hobbies”: sleep (as long as possible), eat (as often as they can) and drink (as long as someone else is paying). Little exercise certainly doesn’t help keep the waistline slim either. As a rough rule of thumb one could say: The more kids a bar girl has, the older she is and the unhealthier her lifestyle, the “bigger” she will be – for Thai standards.
While our assessment may be somewhat disagreeable for some, there’s absolutely no reason to panic. Sure, there are still enough sexy slim girls in Pattaya who will come up to your expectations of petite Asian women – if that’s what you like? Petite Thai babes are still in the majority, you may just have to search a bit longer than 20 or 30 years ago. But let’s face it, what reflection do most of us see in their mirror – “sexy men”? Fool if you believe the lips of a bar girl …
One of the most persistent and controversial misconceptions about Thai bar girls is the following one.
Thai Bar Girls Are No Prostitutes
Wrong. A woman that sells sexual services or simply her companionship for money, is by definition a prostitute or an escort girl. And like it or not, the foremost reason why bar girls do their job is, in the first place, financial. It’s the prospect of making money they’ve come to Pattaya for, not the beaches, bars and golf courses, or the prospect of meeting you.
Every Thai girl would naturally – instead of starting a “career” as a bar girl and dating foreign men who can’t even speak her native language, understand her culture or mentality – much rather stay with a Thai man somewhere in the countryside.
It’s simply the prospect of making “easy” money that drives an Isaan rice farmer’s daughter to Pattaya. If, by accidence, she should come across a possible future husband from a Western “land of milk and honey” there (in the opinion of a conventionally naive bar girl, Farangs are all some kind of quasi-millionaires), well, that’s a welcome side-effect.
From this point of view, bar girls certainly are prostitutes, including your super-dooper “girlfriend” of two or three weeks who’s jobbed only as “waitress” in her bar and is oh-so-special and “different” from all the “other hookers” (sic).
Surprisingly, however, hardly any bar girl in Pattaya would consider herself a prostitute, i.e. with all the negative connotations the word has, but rather as some kind of escort or general “service provider.” And they surely have a point – the entertaining all-round service Pattaya bar girls provide rather resembles that of a round-the-clock escort service than prostitution as you may know it from Western countries. This is the famous “girlfriend experience” bar girls provide paying customers with.
Although Pattaya has often been described as the “biggest brothel in the world” (and rightly so), a night out in Pattaya’s red-light districts, like Walking Street or Soi 6, just isn’t like going to a brothel for an anonymous quickie of 30 minutes (after which you’ll be pushed out the door to make place for the next guy.) Instead, Pattaya’s bars are more like regular pubs back home, just with an abundance of sexy and entertaining hostesses who, in exchange for a fee, are ready to accompany you back to your room, cater for your sexual needs if required, act as your private tourist guide, and possibly stay with you for as long as your holidays last.
Indeed, the easy-going, friendly and usually hassle-free atmosphere in Pattaya’s bar scene, coupled with the typical “take care” attitude of most bar girls, can easily give you the false impression you were staying with a “real” girlfriend rather than a prostitute who’s getting paid for spending her time with a “sexy man” like you. As matter of fact though, she is getting paid, one way or the other; and now don’t you say: “My lady never asks me for money”, “I’m not paying her for sex” etc. but then buy her a heavy gold necklace or the latest IPhone model after two weeks of “cheap” company. Don’t fool yourself and face the facts.
Bar Girls Really Love Farangs, Not Just Their Money
Think about it: How many prostitutes do actually fall in love with their customers just because they’ve shared a few intimate moments? Not too many, are there? So why should bar girls in Pattaya make an exception – just because they’ve spent a couple of days and nights with you as part of a sex worker/customer agreement? In other words, when they whisper I like you too much in your ear after a handful of days and nights of paid sex and company, well, you shouldn’t really pay too much attention. More often than not, they’re just trying to bewitch another potential “walking wallet” that might regularly send them money from abroad after the holiday is over.
Having said that, Thai bar girls – please excuse this trivial remark – certainly also have feelings and a heart which they’re capable of giving away, including to Farangs and possibly you. But, here’s a crucial point, their choice for a long-term boyfriend or potential future husband generally depends on the chosen one’s financial background and his readiness to “take care” of her and her family (e.g. build a house in the village, support her parents and kids financially etc.) To be clear about this, the financial aspect usually plays a decisive role in determining whether a bar girl will enter a more serious relation with a Farang or not.
So no matter how young, good-looking and sexually potent you may be or think you are, do never forget one basic rule: Money number one. Then again, money alone may not always be enough to win the heart of a Pattaya bar lady. When it comes to picking a boyfriend or future husband, not just a walking wallet, for whom a bar girl would readily give up her job and retire to a more “normal” life, not only money is an important factor but also whether the chosen one is a “good” man who can credibly promise her a better future and is serious about their relationship; which necessarily includes accepting her family and kids.
Bar Girls Dream of Getting Married to Farangs And Going Abroad
Not really. Although many Pattaya bar girls are essentially looking for a long-term foreign boyfriend who can provide regular financial support to them and their families, not many girls are actually keen on visiting their boyfriend’s home country or staying there for the rest of their lives.
A short visit of a couple of months or so is usually okay for the more “adventurous” and open-minded ladies; on the long run, however, most Thai women prefer to stay in their home country, close to their family and children. Even if you’re married your Thai wife may likely prefer to stay in Thailand instead of moving to your home country permanently. (If your Thai bride has kids and you wish to live with her in your own country, it would certainly be helpful if you offered her to take the children to live with you as well.)
Why is that? Strongly attached to their family and kids and Thai “culture” in general (i.e. Thai food and television in the first place), most Thai women simply find it hard to get used to living in a Western country and adjust to a different culture. Thailand’s nationalist education system which happily ignores the world beyond Thai borders surely doesn’t help either; many Thais were raised in the belief that Thailand is the ultimate centre of the world and that everything non-Thai is simply not on par with their “superior” (sic) culture and traditions. Many 21st-century Thais who visit a Western country certainly soon realize how little sustainable this self-perception is and then may suffer from a covert inferiority complex in the face of the Western world. The common lack of readiness to learn a new language also poses a very real problem for Thais that contemplate moving abroad.
In addition to these “cultural” reasons so-to-say, there are also some very mundane reasons why many (former) Thai bar girls don’t fancy moving abroad. Sure enough, many bar girls with Farang boyfriends who don’t stay in Thailand permanently but only come for a holiday a couple of times a year – and are therefore more vulnerable to their girlfriends’ sweet lies – secretly keep on working in the sex trade, even though their generous Farang darlings have been promised they were staying in the village with papa mama and the kids. Some Pattaya bar girls even have numerous foreign “boyfriends” (a.k.a. sponsors) who support them financially and are all equally convinced they’re the “one and only”. And yes, others may secretly even still have Thai boyfriends or husbands, often disguised as “brothers” or “cousins”, on top of a multitude of foreign sponsors; hardly an incentive to move away from their beloved Thailand …
Farang-Thai Bar Girl Relationships Are Doomed to Fail
Sure, relationships between bar girls and foreign visitors may sometimes indeed go beyond the scope of prostitution, develop into true friendships and even “love affairs”, based rather on mutual affection than money changing hands (bear in mind that you will still be expected to support your girl’s family financially if you want her to retire from the sex trade completely.) Many Western men are happily married to ex-bar girls who eventually turned into caring partners, loyal housewives and mothers. True and lasting love, however, is hard to find in this scene.
As a famous saying alleges: “It’s easy to get a girl out of a bar but impossible to get the bar out of the girl.” In many cases, this is all too true. Many ex-bar girls, especially veteran sex workers, have completely adapted the typical “bar girl mentality” and seen too much of the naughty sides of life to adjust themselves to a “life outside the bar” again. They might have simply enjoyed the job and its accompanying lifestyle (drinking, dancing, partying with friends etc.), the financial rewards for boom boom (and possibly boom boom itself) too much, and for too long a period of time, to suddenly reverse to a “normal” lifestyle and make good housewives. You’re advised to carefully deliberate what type of girl your lady is and whether she’s suited for such an about-turn. And if you’re serious about your holiday romance (are you?) and want things to go beyond the scope of the typical “sex for money” or “holiday girlfriend” scheme, please also bear in mind that a lot will depend on your own attitude and ambitions.
To stick to the basics: Most bar girls’ expectations of a long-term affair with a Farang are restricted to the prospect of a steady income from a foreign “sponsor” who provides monthly financial support from his faraway home country. So if you really can’t help falling in love in Pattaya, please do not fall in love too quickly. Take your time, look around; there are thousands of available girls in Pattaya who are ready to become your special friend of the night; if you’re lucky, persistent and serious enough, perhaps even much more than that?
Last but not least: Do not fall for the notorious made-up stories of chronically sick parents, deceased or ill water buffaloes, and little brothers who have motorcycle accidents every second month. Be generous if you’re happy with your tee-rak (Thai for “darling”) and her services, but don’t let her make you a walking wallet. A generous payment of a few big $$$ notes can easily cure a sick water buffalo; sure enough though, his quick recovery would swiftly sicken the others in his herd. As in any situation in Thailand, not just love and money affairs, use your common sense and make sure you haven’t left your brain at the airport customs.
- Bar Girls Explained – The Truth About Pattaya Bar Girls (Part One)
- Thailand’s ‘Doomsday’ – Pattaya’s Bar Girl Industry in Crisis?